The Dreamer
Image Courtesy
of The Writers Ranch
"My name isn't Lou... It's..." Buck watched as Lou buried her face in his hands and looked towards Kid and Jimmy for support. He wondered what the littlest rider was hiding, and hoped he was about to find out.
"It's Louise. Louise McCloud."
Of all the things Buck was expecting, that was not one of them. He was pretty sure the others felt the same as silence enveloped the camp. Even the crackling fire seemed to be in a stunned silence. Lou turned and ran back towards the creek. Jimmy started to follow her but Kid pulled him back.
"Let her go, Jimmy."
Buck was the first to recover. "You both knew?" Jimmy and Kid nodded. "Since when?"
"I found out this afternoon, shortly before Boggs was killed," Jimmy answered. "Kid found out... When did you find out exactly, Kid?"
"More importantly," Cody asked. "How?"
Only Cody would think of asking that, Buck thought. He started to laugh as Ike hit Cody in the head.
"Oh come on! Aren't you curious as to how Kid found out Lou was a girl? And why he didn't tell us? I mean she's worked with us, eaten with us, slept with us, and more importantly, watched us dress and undress!"
** What does it matter, Cody? ** Ike asked. ** You've offered to show half the girls in town what Lou has already seen. **
Buck realized that Cody had a point. He wouldn't have minded changing in front of her if he'd known, but the thought of her watching them undress made him feel a little weird. "He's right you know," Buck added.
** No, she always stepped out when we changed. And most of the time we've been together, we've all slept in at least our long john bottoms. **
"What should we do?" Buck asked. What Ike had said was true, but Buck still felt uncomfortable with the situation. There was a little voice in the back of his head nagging at him, but he couldn't say what.
** Are we really going to ask her to leave like she thinks we are? **
Jimmy shook his head. "What we need to do is go over there and tell her that we're alright with it. That it doesn't matter that she's a girl, she's no different from the rest of us."
In his confused state of mind, Buck realized that everyone else was making sense. There were just too many questions running through his mind, and answers were no where to be found.
"But she is different from the rest of us, Jimmy," Cody responded. "But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It could be nice to have a girl around. Wouldn't ever have to look far for a date to the dance."
The others chuckled and started to come up with a way to let Lou know they were alright with things as they were. As they started walking towards the creek where Kid and Lou were, Cody saw a wildflower in the fading light and went to pick it up. He looked behind him and gestured to Buck and Ike.
"Girls like flowers right?" Buck and Ike nodded and picked one as well. They walked down to the creek where Kid and Lou were sitting close together.
"Lou, you al lright?" Jimmy asked.
She nods and as she quickly wipes her tears away.
"Well Buck, Ike, and Cody here have somethin' they wanna tell ya."
"Name's William F. Cody, most folks just call me Cody, and it's a pleasure to meet you... Louise," he grins bringing the wildflower from behind his back.
"Same here goes for us," Buck said pointing to Ike as well before both handed her flowers as well.
After a few minutes, everyone headed back towards the camp, and after awhile, Buck and Ike were the last ones up.
"You knew, didn't you?" Buck asked his best friend. He was disappointed that Ike hadn't shared this with him. "How?"
** I figured it out. **
Buck shook his head and chuckled. "I should've known with the way you always can tell things about animals. Nite," he said before lying back.
As he lay there, Buck asked the spirits for guidance and answers and as sleep finally overtook him he began to see visions of his mother and other women from the village where he was raised. He had a dream where the men had been out hunting and the women were attacked by a group of white men. He remembered watching many of the women being raped and murdered. But there was one that kept standing out in his mind.
White River had only been twelve years old, Buck five. She would often look after Buck when his mother was busy and Buck developed a crush on her. She thought it was cute, and the day he asked her to marry him and let him protect her, with as much conviction as a five year old could, she patted his head and told him how adorable he was. But the next day, she had been in her family's tent tending to her little brother when she heard the commotion outside. Buck watched as she was dragged behind the tent and heard her screams, but there was nothing he could do.
She was one of the few who survived, but she was never the same after that. The man who had attacked her had cut off her long hair, and she refused to let it grow long again. She began withdrawing from her friends and family; those she'd known all her life. The day before her arranged marriage, she went for a walk and was never seen or heard from again.
Buck remembered watching her as she left. She smiled at him and gave him a tiny wave before heading into the woods. It was the first time he had seen her smile since the attack, and as she turned to look back one more time, Buck was shocked to see Lou's face in White River's place.
Buck woke with a start. Light was starting to streak the sky and he turned over wanting a few more hours of sleep. Buck looked over across the camp and saw Lou curled up in her bedroll. Buck hoped his vision was wrong; that Lou hadn't ever had to endure what so many women in his life had.
A few weeks later, his suspicions were pretty much confirmed. Teaspoon sent Buck and Lou on a special run to St. Joe. The trip had been uneventful but Buck sensed something was bothering Lou. The normally strong girl seemed skittish and cautious.
Buck had started developing feelings for Lou, and she often haunted his dreams at night. Like Ike's talent of making sick and injured animals feel better, Buck longed to help Lou feel better. On their first night after leaving St. Joe, Buck was awoken by a screaming and yelling Lou.
"No! Get away, leave me alone, please," she called out.
Buck immediately sat up and grabbed his knife ready to attack whoever had snuck in to their camp and was harming Lou. He looked over to where she was lying and realized that she was having a bad dream. He watched as she kicked and clawed at the air, most likely trying to fight whoever was hurting her in her dream. He got up and slowly crossed the camp to her. She had stopped fighting the invisible monster, and tears were flowing freely down her face.
"Lou?" He asked slightly shaking her to wake her. "Lou, wake up."
Lou shot straight up and looked around. "Where... What... Buck?" She croaked between panicked gasps.
Buck gently placed his hand on her shoulder and jerked it back quickly as Lou flinched. "You were having a bad dream."
Lou nodded. "Guess bein' in St. Joe stirred up some memories better left forgotten. I ran in to someone I use to know."
"The man that attacked you?"
Lou paled. "What do you know about that?"
"You were actin' like someone was attacking you in your sleep. Do you want to talk about it?"
Lou shook her head. "No!" She snapped at him. Buck watched as Lou covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. It was a sign that the others had come to learn as her "hiding something".
Buck reached in his medicine pouch and pulled out some herbs. "Here, add this to some water. It'll help you sleep through the rest of the night." Buck handed them to her with a cup of water.
Lou took the herbs and put them in the water. It smelled horrible and tasted worse, but anything was better than having that dream again. She slowly sipped the drink and by the time she finished she already felt drowsy.
"Thanks Buck," she said softly. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."
"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it."
"It's just been a long day is all. I know you were only trying to help."
"Just remember that I'm here if you ever wanna talk about it." Lou nodded and laid back down. Within minutes, Buck watched as her breathing returned to normal and she fell asleep. He longed to hold her while she told him about her dreams. Instead he covered her with the blanket that had been tossed aside during her nightmare and kissed her forehead.
That night he dreamed again of both Lou and White River. The more Buck dreamed of Lou, the more confused he became with his feelings. He'd seen the looks pass between Kid and Lou, and the thought there may be something between them kept him from acting on his feelings. But the more he worried about her, the harder it became.
But the day her saw her in a dress for the first time, was the turning point. Emma had called everyone into the Main House and served the boys tea and cookies. No one could figure out why they were there. It wasn't a birthday, but then Emma let them know why they were there with great enthusiasm.
"What are we doing here Emma?" Kid asked. Emma had him sitting at the place usually reserved for the guest of honor.
"Is this some kind of a birthday party?" Jimmy asked, just as puzzled as the rest of the boys.
"No, it's not a birthday party. This here is a coming out party." Emma stood up and smiled. "Boys, I would like to introduce to you Miss Louise McCloud!"
The riders looked at each other in confusion. Partly because Emma had called her Louise, which meant she knew her secret, and partly because they'd already met Lou.
"First one to laugh gets a punch in the nose!" Lou yelled from upstairs. The riders looked towards the stairs in anticipation.
"Loulabelle!" Emma scolded half-heartedly.
None of the boys would ever forget what happened next. They couldn't believe that the beautiful sight coming down the stairs was Lou... and in a dress.
Buck watched her as she acted shy and nervous. She was in a pink dress, none of them except for Kid had seen her in a dress before, and the sight was overwhelming. More than one of the boys started shifting uncomfortably at the sight, including Buck.
"I wanted y'all to see how pretty she looks," Emma informed them. She chuckled as she watched each of the boys' reaction.
Kid paled. "I didn't mess things up for you Lou, did I?"
"She knew all along."
"See, being good on a horse doesn't mean a person's a boy!"
All of the boys released the breaths they didn't realize they were holding in. Their only fear now was if Emma would have to tell.
"Hey, but what about Teaspoon?" Buck asked worriedly. He was still in shock. Lou seemed so happy wearing that dress, despite the fact it was obvious she uncomfortable.
"What about Mr. 'Spoon?" Emma replied letting the boys know she wasn't about to tell.
"Well, it looks like we got ourselves a new bunkmate, fellas," Cody, who had for one of the few times in his life been stunned speechless, finally added. Everyone laughed, remembering the morning after they found out her secret, how Cody had brazenly asked her out on a date. Lou must have remembered it too because she glared at Cody with a look that made everyone laugh again.
Jimmy finally got to the heart of the matter. Everyone had watched as Kid and Lou became close and wondered if this was a new beginning for them. "All's I can say is you'd better watch yourself, Kid."
"Kid? Kid who?" Cody asked.
For the next few hours, they enjoyed the break from their chores, as well as being in the presence of their new bunkmate. The boys were glad to make Lou feel like the girl she should get to be, not knowing how long it would be before they'd see her like that again.
Later that night, Buck once again had the dream of White River. For the first time, he saw her as she would have been now instead of how Buck remembered her when she left. She was happy and had a family of her own. She patted his head and told him "You're still adorable, Buck. Stop worryin' so much. Like me, she'll be okay."
Buck woke with a start and his gaze immediately flew to Lou's bunk. She was sleeping peacefully, as she had ever since the night of her nightmare. He smiled as he realized Lou was talking in her sleep, and he heard her say "You're still adorable, Buck."