Consequences Be Damned
Part 7
Lou passed the mochilla off in St Joe and then headed towards town. She'd been to St. Joe several times since she started working for the Express, but this time it was different. Before, she'd always been on her guard, stayed away from that part of town, avoided making eye contact with anyone who may have been in the town all those years ago. Now she had no reason to; Wicks was dead, never to come after her and ruin the life she'd tried to hide for so long. Of course with Kids' reaction, that life was over anyway, but it was by her own choice, not Wicks'. He no longer had any control over her.
After checking in to her room, she ordered a hot bath to be brought up and made arrangements for her dinner to be brought up even later. Wishing she had brought more change of clothes and supplies, she sat on the edge of the bed and buried her face in her hands.
She had been so distraught because of the events with Kid that morning that she refused to even go in to the bunkhouse for her things, choosing to take her spare roll she kept in the barn. Now she knew she have to go shopping.
After her bath and meal, she was too tired to go shopping. Deciding it could wait until morning, she searched her pack for something to sleep in. She nearly broke down when she pulled out the nightgown she had worn on their special trip together to Redfern. There was also the dress Kid had bought her the next day so they could go to the dance in town that night.
That perfect weekend seemed like a lifetime ago and she wondered if she decided to stay in Rock Creek, if they could somehow get past this as they had every other bump in their relationship. She knew when she told Kid, that there was a chance she'd lose him for good this time, but the things he had said and done would be hard to forget, even if he was willing to give her another chance. In her heart, she knew even in his worst anger, he would never physically hurt her. She had over reacted at the time, but that one split second made her trust in him shatter.
Trust? She thought. Of course you can't trust him anymore. You bared your soul to him, and yet what about his secrets? Doesn't he trust you enough to even tell you his real name?
Lou knew that wasn't fair. She knew Kid must have his reasons for keeping his name from her, and he'd bared his soul more times than she had, but sometimes it hurt not to know who he really was.
Throwing the clothes away, she crawled in to bed. Before crying herself to sleep, she decided since she had the time off, it would be good to spend some time with Jeremiah and Teresa. As close to the orphanage as she was now she still didn't get to see them as much as she liked. When she did get a chance, Kid would always come with her. Right now more than anything, Lou just wanted to be alone with her brother and sister and to feel their unconditional love.
~~ ** ~~
Lou woke up the next morning feeling a little bit better. Deciding to spend as much time with her siblings as possible, Lou picked up the dress she had tossed away the night before and decided to wear it instead of going shopping. As she slipped it over her head, she realized it still smelled like Kid and memories of their weekend came flooding back.
Kid had been so excited to take her to the dance in town the night after they made love that he snuck out and had bought the dress while she was still asleep. She smiled as she remembered him describing her size to the clerk.
Realizing if she dwelled on what had been and what could've been, she'd never see her brother and sister; she placed her gun in the desk drawer and headed out on her walk to the orphanage.
~~ ** ~~
"Louise!" Teresa said running out from the main gates of the orphanage when she saw her sister approach. "We didn't know you were comin'."
Lou walked faster and hugged her sister tightly when they met. "How'd ya know it was me?"
"I recognize your walk anywhere. You still walk like a boy, even when you're in a dress. I missed you."
Lou chuckled as she realized her sister was right. But old habits died hard and she couldn't help it. "I missed you guys too. Where's Jeremiah?"
"He had to stay behind after lessons for puttin' a lizard on some girls' desk. Why are boys so stupid?"
Lou chuckled and pulled on Teresa's pigtails. "Sometimes, boys do stupid things like that because they like the girl."
"Did Kid ever do anything like that to you? And where is Kid? Couldn't he come with you?"
Lou sighed wondering how long it would be before they asked about why he wasn't with her. Her brother and sister loved him like he was their older brother, and couldn't wait until they could come live with them when they got married.
"Not this time sweetie. Let's go see if we can spring your brother out of his trouble and spend the day together."
An hour later, Lou and her siblings were sitting by the stream near the orphanage enjoying the unseasonably warm late autumn day. She listened as they chatted about events that had happened since their last visit together.
"Remember your old roommate Hannah?" Jeremiah asked as he nibbled some crackers from the basket Mother Superior had urged them to take along on their stroll. Lou nodded.
Teresa started bouncing up and down like she usually did when she got overly excited. "She came back a coupla weeks ago to see everyone."
"Really?" Lou asked. She'd often wondered what had happened to some of her friends that she had spent so much time with when she left at the orphanage.
Jeremiah nodded. "She got married and had a baby. She brought him by so the nun's could see how her life had turned out."
"He was so cute!" Teresa exclaimed. "I gotta hold him and everything. When you and Kid get married, are you gonna make babies?"
"Of course they are, stupid that's what married people do."
"Jeremiah!" Lou snapped as she noticed her younger sisters' lips start to tremble. "You know better than to call anyone stupid. Apologize to her."
"I'm sorry, Teresa. I didn't mean to call you stupid." He looked over at his older sister and noticed she was trying not to cry. "Don't get upset, Lou. I didn't mean it. Really... She's ain't stupid, I know that."
Lou shook her head as she put her hand on his shoulder. "It's not that." She never thought she would have to tell them what had happened to her, and she debated about just how much to tell them. At eleven, Jeremiah might be old enough to understand things that she had gone through but at nine, Lou still considered Teresa too innocent and naive to know about things like that.
"Then what's wrong? Did Kid hurt you?" Jeremiah asked, sounding defensive. He had always considered himself the man of the family, even when he was very young, he would do anything to protect his sisters.
Not in the way you think, she thought. She shook her head.
"No, Jeremiah. I've told you many times, Kid is nothin' like our father and he would never physically hurt me. Remember when I left here?" Both children nodded. "Well, I wasn't much older than you are now, and not too long after I left here, I got really sick."
"Did you almost die?" her brother asked worried.
She nodded. "But the doctors were able to fix me up. But I had gotten so sick that I won't be able to have kids."
"Does that mean Kid won't marry you some day?" Teresa asked concerned.
"I don't know. We had a fight a few days ago, and I don't know what's gonna happen between us. But no matter what, I'm still gonna get you guys out of here real soon. I have enough money saved up now I just have to find us a place to live."
Teresa slid closer to her sister and rested her head on her shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist. "It's okay Louise. We can be like your kids since you've always been like our momma."
Lou's heart melted and the tears she'd been fighting began to fall as Jeremiah joined his sisters in their hug. No matter what happened in the future with her and Kid, she had all the family she needed right there in her arms.