Blinded by Fear

~~ Part 3 ~~

Over the next few weeks, the three riders tried to avoid each other. During meals, conversation was kept to a polite minimum, Kid was taking extra runs, Jimmy was doing more chores, and Lou would spend as much time at the main house with Rachel as she could.

"Lou, you know I don't mind you helpin'," Rachel started as the pair continued to hang laundry on the line. "But don't you think this is gettin' old? You have to talk to them sooner or later?"

Lou sighed. "I don't know Rachel. Seems they don't want to talk to me that much either."

"What about Kid?"

"He's never around anymore. Even if he was... Well, things just ain't the same."

"You still love him don't you?"

"Just 'cause I'm not ready to get married, doesn't mean I don't still love him. I guess a part of me always will. 'Sides he's already moved on."

Rachel nodded. "And Jimmy?"

"Even Jimmy is avoiding me. It's like he's scared I'll get hurt if he even talks to me. I miss their friendship, Rachel. I miss sharin' my days, my nights, my hopes and dreams with Kid, and I miss bein' able to go to Jimmy when Kid drives me crazy when he gets too overprotective. I love them both so much in different ways and its killin' me inside that we're like this now."

Rachel knew that letting Lou know that Kid had confided in her something similar a few days earlier wouldn't help. The three needed to work this out themselves.

Just then the two women heard the familiar "Rider Comin'" from Jimmy who had been on the porch of the bunkhouse most of the day cleaning his guns. They turned to see Kid arrive. Lou watched as Kid dismounted and then led Katy in to the barn.

"See? He usually would come and talk to me or at least wave. He didn't even say anything to Jimmy."

"You could always go to him. Tell him what you just told me."

Lou shook her head. "I can't, Rachel."

"Lou, what happened in Willow Springs between you and Jimmy that you aren't tellin' me?"

As Lou went on to tell Rachel everything that had happened, Kid exited the barn and walked towards the bunkhouse.

"Lou talkin' to Rachel again?" Kid asked as he stood in front of Jimmy.

"She's been spendin' a lot of time with her lately," Jimmy replied nonchalantly. "Since you ain't been around much, you wouldn't know that, now would you?"

"Damn it, Jimmy. I'm sick of all this arguin'," Kid stormed into the bunkhouse slamming the door behind him.

Noah had been sitting on his bunk and jumped at the noise. "Now what's wrong?"

"Jimmy started in on me again about bein' gone so much," Kid said, crossing to the table by the sink and pouring himself a cup of water. "You think he'd be happy I was gone. He could have Lou to himself as much as he wanted and wouldn't have to worry about what I thought."

"Kid," Noah warned, shaking his head. It was the same story every time Kid came back. None of the riders had a clue as to what brought on his jealousy; Lou and Jimmy were hardly talking to each other.

"I'm sorry Noah," Kid apologized as he crossed back towards his bunk.

Noah just nodded as he left the bunkhouse.

As Kid lay on his bunk staring up at Lou's, images of Lou in Jimmy's arms dancing flashed through his mind. He shouldn't care; she had every right to move on. He just never imagined she would so quickly and with a man he considered a brother.

When Lou had turned down his proposal, she had broken his heart. Without her he wasn't complete. For some reason, he thought maybe Samantha would make him feel whole again. But he realized after she left that no one but Lou would ever do that.

Kid knew everyone was right. He knew deep down that Jimmy had feelings for Lou, but he never would have done anything while Kid and Lou were together, but things were different now.

His hurt pride may have sent him in to the arms of Samantha, but his jealousy may have sent Lou in to the arms of Jimmy.

Noah found Jimmy fixing a loose board on the corral. "Need some help?"

Jimmy stopped hammering and looked up. "Nope, just about got it, thanks."

"Jimmy, how long are the three of you gonna avoid each other? Nobody blames you for what happened back in Willow Springs."

"I do. Look, I know you're just tryin' to help, but there's nothin' to talk about."

"Wouldn't be so sure about that." Jimmy looked at Noah and shook his head. "If Lou doesn't blame you, why should you?"

Jimmy took a deep breath and sighed. "How many times do I have to say it? She could've been killed 'cause of me. I always thought she could hold her own with the rest of us, but when I saw her at the end of that noose... I'll never forgive myself for that, just as I know nobody would've forgiven me if something had happened to her. How can I look at her or at Kid again when I can't even look at myself?"

"Have you told Lou how you feel about her?" At Jimmy's surprised look, Noah continued. "You wouldn't be this upset about it if you didn't care for her."

"Of course I care about her. She's family."

Noah glanced at him with a look telling Jimmy he wasn't fooling anyone.

"Look... even if I did, she deserves someone that can give her a future. A chance for a life that's better than what she's had 'til now. You know as well as I do, I ain't gonna be able to give her that. Kid can."

"What if she doesn't want it from him anymore? What if he doesn't want it from her?"

Jimmy watched as Lou walked from the main house to the barn. He saw Kid walk out from the bunkhouse and towards the barn, as if he'd been watching for her.

"Then that's their decision to make," he said, nodding his head towards the barn. "Don't you have a run to get ready for?" Jimmy was done talking about him and Lou. He was starting to know how Kid felt after everyone would tease him about Lou.

"No, Lou asked if she could take it."

~~ ** ~~

Lou led Lightning from his stall and started to get him ready for their run. Her talk with Rachel left her just as frustrated as before. Rachel advised her to take the time on this run to think things over.

"Goin' somewhere?" Kid asked, startling Lou. She turned to see him entering the barn.

"Have a run."

Kid walked over and held Lightning as Lou put on the saddle. "Thought Noah was up next."

Lou let out a frustrated sigh. "I asked him if I could take it instead. Is that ok with you?"

Kid nodded. "Yeah, I was just hopin' we could talk, that's all."

"Like we've been talkin'?" Lou saw a flash of hurt in his blue eyes and felt guilty. "I'm sorry. Can it wait until I get back?"

"Sure Lou. Be careful. With the governor orderin' Pike to be brought here so Teaspoon can take him to Fort Laramie, who knows what kind of danger could be out there."

Lou smiled as she heard the concern in his voice and for once she wasn't annoyed. He wasn't being overprotective; he was treating her like it was any of the others riding out. "What? You ain't gonna try to talk me out of going?"

Kid chuckled. "Would it make a difference?" Lou shook her head as both riders exited the barn. Kid held Lightning while Lou mounted up.

"Rider Comin'!" Buck called from the bunkhouse.

Kid placed his hands over Lou's on the saddle horn. "Ride safe Lou and I'll see ya when you get back."

Lou looked down and smiled at Kid as she spurred Lightning. Kid headed towards the bunkhouse to get ready for supper.

~~ ** ~~

The next day, the riders with the exception of Ike and Lou were sitting in the bunkhouse when Teaspoon entered.

"We've got problems, boys," he said as he tossed the silver hair comb on the table. "Pike's got Amanda."