She's Too Good
Image Courtesy
of The Writers Ranch
AN: This is THE scene from Requiem for a Hero from Kid's Point of View. For those that haven't seen the scene I'm talking about, you can view this clip
I keep pacing the room. I can't help it. I've never been so nervous or scared in all my life. Tonight the waiting will end, but I still feel maybe we're rushing things. I haven't even told her I love her, and now we're about to commit the ultimate act of love.
After the advice Jimmy gave me, I pleaded with Rachel to allow us this run together. She didn't ask questions; I was relieved. She just smiled and said "Treat her well Kid, make it special."
Lou is taking so long to wash up I'm worried she's changing her mind. I know I have over a hundred times since this trip started. When she fell from Lightning and I saw her lying on the ground, I had never been so scared. But when I rolled her over and she started laughing, I didn't know whether to throttle her or kiss her. I tickled her to make sure she was ok. She's always been ticklish and everyone knows she can't stand it.
After looking around to make sure we were alone, I melted. One look in her eyes, and I knew that this was meant to be. I was ready to end all this waiting right there on the creek bed. Lou was too. But then Rachel's words came back to me, "Make it special", so I pulled away. Lou must have been confused and hurt, but the most important thing on my mind was getting here and doing things right.
Not that I've had any experience on doing this right. Not that many of us do. Jimmy and Cody are mostly talk and they don't care about doing right by the girl they're with, Buck and Noah don't talk much about their women at all, and Ike's the dreamer like me.
I hear Lou's nervous chuckle and then a small crash of metal on the floor coming from the other room. "Lou?" I asked worried.
I'm about to check on her when she says, "I'm ok. Be out in a minute." She's so nervous she can barely talk. I know the feeling.
I light a fire in the fireplace. My hands are shaking so badly, I break half the matches before one finally catches. Now I'm pacing again. With a fireplace, the room is so small. It barely has enough room for a double bed and dresser.
I sit on the edge of the bed. It hits me that soon this will be where we declare our love for each other, and I jump up as if a snake has bitten me. The room is decorated real nice though. Those paintings sure are pretty. I go to look at the one over the fireplace when I stop dead. Lou's coming out of the other room.
It takes me a moment to realize this is Lou, my Louise. She's wearing a white sleeveless gown that hangs in all the right places. I must be imagining things and I just stare at her. I keep blinking expecting her to disappear. My mouth drops open, but I'm too stunned to speak. I've never seen her more beautiful than she is right now. No matter what happens in our future, I'll never forget the sight of her nervously clutching the gown as she waits for my impression. I try to smile, but it's hard. She's stolen my breath away.
"Surprise," She says with that nervous chuckle again.
That's an understatement. All doubts have left my mind. She comes to me and shivers in front of the fireplace. I rub my hands on her arms. I can feel her goose bumps, but like mine, they're not from the cold. I gently grab her waist and lift her to my eye level. I'm hoping my eyes will tell her what I can't. I want her to see, to feel the effect she's having on me.
She does and I kiss her to silence the giggle. I lay her gently on the bed and kiss her again. She starts unbuttoning my shirt and I realize that this is it, the moment has finally arrived. "Lou?" I ask, "Are you sure?"
Lou nods and pulls me closer to her. I try to go slow, try to be gentle, but I can't stop now. The wait is finally over.
~~ ** ~~
I wake up disoriented. I'm not sure where I am at first but then I see Lou sitting on the far end of the bed. She's wrapped tight in the sheet and she's hugging herself. I can't see her face, but I hear her quiet sobs and my heartbreaks. "You okay Lou?"
She looks over towards me, but not at me. "I don't know." I can hear the uncertainty in her voice.
I sit up against the headboard. "A coupla hours ago, the most important thing on my mind was gettin' on with what we've been puttin' off for so long," I say honestly.
She buries her face in hands and looks towards me again. I hear what sounds like a half sob, half chuckle. I can't tell if she's crying or if she's relieved. "Me too."
She seems scared that she's disappointed me somehow. She keeps fidgeting with her hands and feet. "Seems like endin' all that waitin' was more important to us than the reason we wanted to end it." She nods, but I wish she would look at me. If anything, I feel as if I've disappointed her.
"Do you think we made a mistake?" She can barely get the words out.
"No, no..." God how can she think that. I move closer to her and kiss her shoulder. I see the pain in her eyes, and I want to reassure her. She finally looks at me and it's not as bad as I thought. "Don't see that we could've done anything else anyway." She smiles and nods. But I think she's doing it because she thinks I want her to. God, what I wouldn't do to hear her nervous chuckle right now. To have that reassurance that she's truly ok. "Things are gonna be different between us now."
"Maybe better?" I kiss her shoulder again, and she leans her forehead against mine. She runs her finger under my chin, and raises my face to look her in the eyes. "I love you, Kid."
I'm stunned. This is why she's been worried. After all we've shared, after all I've done with her, and I've forgotten to say the one thing that mattered most. I'm relieved to hear her say it, but I know now that she thinks I don't feel the same. "I love you too, Lou."
We lay back down. I can't help but to hold her tightly. Her hands grip the arm I have wrapped around her tightly, but it doesn't hurt. I kiss the back of her head and listen to her breathing as she falls asleep. Things have never felt this right before.
I wasn't joking when I said things were going to be different between us. I'll never be able to let her go now. I know what we've done is wrong in the eyes of God, but how can something so wrong, feel so right?
As I watch her sleep, I say my prayers, asking for forgiveness for sinning. My last thoughts before falling asleep are telling God that "She's too good for me but I love her. I know I don't deserve this happiness, but please, never take her from me."