Almost Persuaded
Image Courtesy
of The Writers Ranch
"Don't move!" I threaten as I grab his gun and aim it right at his heart. I've never been so tempted to kill someone in my life. I've only been this scared once, and the man in front of me is the reason why. Now I have the chance to do something about it.
"This is for Charlotte."
"Charlotte killed herself, it wasn't me..."
He may not have pulled the trigger, but it was her fear of him that made her take her own life. Like me, Charlotte would rather die than let this man control her again.
"Like Hell!" I spit out in anger.
"You're not gonna shoot me... You don't have it in you."
He's grinning. He doesn't believe I can do it. "No?" I cock the trigger and aim at his shoulder. I shoot and miss, but I missed on purpose. I want to see the fear in his eyes that he once put in mine.
This man stole my life from me; he became the reason that for the past six years I've had to live a life in fear. How many nights have I awoken in a cold sweat because of him plaguing my dreams? Because of this man, I found it hard to trust others and let them get close to me.
If it weren't for him, I could have had a normal life. I could have become a young woman and lived like other girls my age. Instead I've had to live my life as a man just to survive. Everyday since I escaped, I lived in fear that he would find me. Now that he has, I'm ready to face him, to take control of my life again.
"How's it feel havin' someone else in control? Afraid? I think you're real afraid. You should be." I cock the trigger again.
I shoot again towards his other shoulder. Again I miss. "How's it feel Wicks? You like it? Damn you, answer me! Do you like it?"
I hear someone ride up behind me. I know instantly that it's Kid. I don't want him to see me like this. I'm not ready for him to know everything yet. I'm scared how he'll see me when we're together. Will he still love me when he finds out?
"Lou!"
I turn to look at him briefly. I'm scared if I look away too long, my chance with Wicks will end.
"Get outta here Kid."
I turn back towards Wicks and see the fear that's just starting to sink in. He knows I'm serious and want him to pay. I never want him to do to another young girl what he did to me. No one should ever have to go through that.
"Why? So you can murder him?"
"Maybe."
I shoot twice more at Wick's feet and then at his hand, missing each time, but getting closer to the target than before. With each miss he's realizing I'm not the scared young girl I once was.
I've made up my mind. The only way to end this is to end his life once and for all. I cock the gun one last time and aim at his chest. Finally I see the look on his face that I had on mine when he forced himself on me all those years ago. I pull the trigger and he flinches.
But the gun is empty. For some reason I start to laugh. I realize no matter what I do, nothing can change the past. Killing him won't change the fact that he raped me; it won't change the person who I've become. If anything, it would make me as cold and heartless as he is.
It finally sinks in that I had almost persuaded myself to kill a man in cold blood. I've never done that before and it worries me. When I killed DeWitt last year, it was more in self-defense than in cold hatred.
I turn to look at Kid and see the worried expression on his face. He knows something has to be terribly wrong for me to do what he's just witnessed. I can't look at him now either.
"Take care of him Kid," I say as I walk away with my head hanging down. Wicks must have made a move towards me as I hear Kid draw and cock the trigger of his gun. My breath catches as I realize Kid loves me enough that he would kill someone for me without even knowing why.